Being back from Maui and reunited with Jon has been wonderful and from the minute I landed in California, there has been a bevy of events and activities to tend to. Jon’s web design business is doing quite well and he’s been busy, while I work hard at regaining some type of schedule to my work life. It wasn’t until two nights ago that I actually set to the task of making us a good hearty meal to sit down at the table for. Up until then, we had been eating out, or at different times.
A home made dinner for the two of us together was way overdue. I opted for Indian food, easy, substantive and a cuisine very tightly woven into the whole of our relationship. In the first 3 years of our relationship our favorite restaurant was a Gujarati restaurant that to this day serves the best Indian food in the country as far as I’m concerned. We always went there for special dates, and on those dates that were the weekly casual ones, going to this restaurant made it special just by virtue of the fact we were there eating and taken care of by the owner. Then in our 4th year together when Jon traveled through Asia for a year, I met him in India and for 2 straight months we ate our way through that country and it was goooooooddddddd.
One of the things I love about Indian food is the alchemy of spices that goes into each dish. For this meal it was a cardamom rice, curried red dal and cooling raita. Easy, savory and so much a part of what we love, which is the other thing I love about it.
Alone in the kitchen as I prepared it all, I had this moment that I’m still sitting with. Earlier, I had been looking through the work I did for Danielle Laporte’s Fire Starter Sessions, and there is a section where you identify the 2-4 feelings that arise when you actualize your desired entrepreneurial vision. These are the feelings or concepts you are to work towards rather than some detached notion of success. My words are: Affluent, Prolific, Free and Divinely Feminine. My meditation that morning had been on these 4 words.
While cooking and sinking deep into the thought of preparing me and my man a delicious meal, I began to feel… feminine. Sexy. I felt that sensual feeling of being someone’s Other. Someone’s Woman. I know… my feminist card is likely to get revoked here, but I don’t care. It was sexy. And it brought me back to that morning’s meditation and one of my words, which is Divinely Feminine. It felt so womanly to be stirring together this amazing alchemy of flavors to nourish us both at our dinner table.
This feeling went beyond the role of nurturer that I posted about in this previous post. I was touching on the deep mystery of women and their ability to draw together, heal, and attract. It was perfectly mundane, sexual, magical and very very still…present.
I set the table, we sat down and we ate. No fanfare, no grand exit to the bedroom afterwards. We simply sat across from each other, ate this amazing meal and talked. I, a woman, sat across from Jon, this delicious man, and we engaged over this meal I had created for us. What I had nurtured wasn’t just our physical nourishment, it was our spacial and spiritual connection. I had nurtured a moment of face to face engagement – an opening in which we both actively received on many levels. I remember feeling very rooted in my role as the container, the space holder in our relationship.
It was Divinely Feminine and an act of Priestessing a moment… as only a woman can. This isn’t to say men can’t Priest a moment, but the way we each, of different genders, produce forth into the world is divinely different. And for this moment, it was me, utterly in my role as a divine woman, bringing together a meal that I would share with my Lover. And it was so so sexy.
nita rubio says
Lovely. From Shakti's orientation, nothing is more sublime than Shiva. From Shiva's point of view, nothing is more sublime than Shakti. We all must serve something. Why not our beloved? To me, this is not anti-feminist. This is the serving of the gaze between lovers. Divine Feminine in action, in alchemy, in the cosmic process of digestion. lol! A beautiful post Elena and I am happy to hear of such fulfilling, rich moments.
Nita, as always your words and wisdom are like nectar. I am reminded once again that to serve the Beloved is an act of devotion and worship. Its always interesting to me how often times this awareness strikes at the heart of my still remnant misconceptions of feminism. We are of the divine feminism aren't we?
Oh and this juicy sentence? "This is the serving of the gaze between lovers." Wow… Yes, yes, yes.
Belinda @zomppa says
A lovely post. There is something so unique and special about nurturing through food – connects us all. Your two months traveling together must have been simply phenomenal.
Our two months were indeed wonderful. We spend time together well, my man and I. 🙂 Now our time in Idyllwild is also a practice in 'simply phenomenal'. 🙂
This is why I love your blog, Elena. You are so wonderfully honest and thoughtful. And you speak the truth.
I think my favourite thing to do is to sit with a boyfriend, having cooked him a meal (or vice versa, although in all honesty there is something I love about cooking for him and seeing him enjoy it) and enjoy it, enjoy being in each other's company, enjoying sharing something as simple as breaking bread. It is incredibly sexy, it is an incredibly open gesture. This may sound funny, but at the beginning of a relationship I get very nervous about eating in front of the other person. It's only once I begin to trust them and open up that I begin to be able to eat with them and really enjoy everything that experience has to offer. Weird, right?
Beautiful post. A pleasure to read, as always.
Jax, thank you for sharing. I love how intimate sharing a meal is for you. I get it, this 'openness' at breaking bread together. I think its linked to the fact that in sharing a meal where two people are eating face to face, they are both in a place of receptivity. There is no designated giver per se, both people are involved in taking in, receiving… and from this place they engage and share. Such a potent dynamic. It makes me really look at the exchange in a very different light.
I do not think there is anything "Anti Feminist" about feeling feminine or nurturing for that matter…I agree with Nita! This is a beautiful post 🙂